The COVID-19 lockdown ruminations continue. Lounging around one lockdown day, I got to wondering about this brilliant idea of the General Staff, of getting down to training all army and, by extension, all defence forces' wives. No doubt, while presenting the concept paper to the government, the General Staff was reacting to the increasing reports of disobedience, delinquency and indiscipline amongst family members during the stressful and strenuous time of the lockdown. The decision-makers having been men of action all their lives had decided to take this matter into their very capable hands, before it came to the attention of the authorities.

After all, if they turned a blind eye to this crack in the steely discipline that was expected from the home and hearth of serving personnel, who knew where the malaise would lead.  Like the COVID-19 virus from Wuhan, it could explode across the globe and even affect other armies too. The international ignominy, the collapse of the world economic order, the closure of pubs and bars, and places of general male bonhomie, the destruction would be swift and complete. And the fourth largest Army in the world would be remembered by history, not for its achievements, its Victoria Crosses and Param Vir Chakras so heroically earned but for having brought the world order to ruin.

A stitch in time, the Reverend Brothers, at school, had drilled into them, saved nine in the course of time. And later at every stage of their illustrious careers, they had been reminded that “the harder one trains in peace, the less one bleeds in war”. It was the ordained moment for the stitch in time, and for some training to be accorded to the good ladies who joined the Armed Forces in the Cadre of Wives.

Pondering on this momentous decision of the General Staff, I could not see how I could fault them in their reasoning. However, in line with the best practices of our hallowed democratic traditions, and since I did not enjoy an unbridled majority in the household as is the case of the 17th Lok Sabha, I thought it would be prudent, in the first instance, to have a chit chat with the LOH to elicit her views.

Much to my surprise, she was all for the suggestion of the General Staff. In fact, she went further and said that the ladies should have a basic Young wives course at induction, which should include in-depth knowledge of the over 500 dishes in the Naval Recipe Manual,  how to select, cook, and present a three-course meal given a notice of three hours, physical training to ensure a 150-meter dash with two school bags, each weighing 15 kgs and with two reluctant kids in tow,   in time for the school bus;  a complete course in male grooming, haircutting techniques, beard and mustache trimming, etc, for use in emergencies, during lockdowns, bandhs, migrations by barbers, etc;  basic finance and accounting techniques and periodic up-gradation and continuous learning courses, corresponding to the promotions of the husband and the added responsibilities that, presumably, would bring her.

They would be expected to obtain a PG Diploma/Degree in Business Administration/Finance/Accounting and Audit Techniques by the time the hapless husband proves himself fit for command. Going further, they should be sent for periodic situational appreciation of the exotic regions and arduous duties the husband has been bragging about that he performs, when posted to a non-family but peaceful, field area/station.

Getting into the spirit of the discussion, she went further. Let us not forget the campaign medals and ribbons for the Ladies, (one for 1 year of absence, a second for 2 years of absence, a third for the three-year absence of MOH from the home front, with clover clusters for repeat tours), and since she had been part of the Navy for over 2 decades, she strongly felt the ladies should also be awarded GCB’s (Good Conduct Badges), LSM’s (Long Service Medals), and Hazardous Duty Medals.

And in keeping with the new trend in the Navy of colourfully embellishing their previously pristine white uniform with all sorts of baubles and plastic adornments, there should also, be badges for specialist duties performed in the appropriate WWAs (Wive’s Welfare Associations) for example President at unit, station, and command levels, and suitable identification baubles for specialist work done (like Marriage Counselling, running tailoring and MSMEs  (Micro Small and Medium Enterprises), kindergartens and creches, welfare organisations, commercial establishments and special schools for children with special needs, event organization, et al.

And with a triumphant look she ended with “Ladies should be permitted to display their badges, efficiency ratings, GCBs, LCMs, and such other adornments  on their saris  when attending a mess function, or being part of official activities, etc. They should also be granted equivalent compensation for each earned specialist badge, much in the manner of diving, flying and submarine pay, technical allowances et al given to their better halves!"

Good lord!

And for good measure, as a postscript she added, “In Phase Two we should look at induction methodology, to establish aptitude, perhaps through a UPSC (Union Public Service Commission) test (written exam, psychological test, selection board interview, you know, you’ve been through the lot) and a merit list, to boot.

“Prospective girls, wives to be could apply and if You make the merit list then the sky is the limit, she continued, posing in her best Recruitment Poster style,  You could one day be the incumbent of the Navy, Army, Air Force or as things stand even the CDS House”, and then You could secretly run the fourth-largest Armed Force in the world!"

Power would no longer flow from the barrel of the gun or howitzer, or from the corridors of the General Staff, it would flow from the kitchen cabinet, mixing up her metaphors, as she is wont to do when excited by her grand vision of the future!!

Good lord!

I was left aghast and open-mouthed. Was the freshly-minted CDS (Chief of Defence staff) aware of this silent coup in the making? Will someone please tell him?  

(The author, a retired Indian Navy officer, can be contacted at viswanathanpk@gmail.com. The views expressed are personal)